Saturday, November 24, 2012

5 Reasons Why Foodies Will Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

So... October and November have hit me pretty hard with some life stuff that has meant things like blogging (or laundry or sleeping etc.) have taken a back seat to stuff like family or real commitments or wacky global contests I accidentally entered (it's even more surreal than it sounds). I'm hoping December will be a more straightforward month, and I can return with some good posts but that's what I said about November so... we'll see how the universe unfolds! In the meantime, enjoy this reassurance that your food-loving habits will protect you in the event of  a real life Walking Dead or Shaun of the Dead scenario...

While many worry about the impending Zombie Apocalypse I, personally, am not losing any sleep over it. I have given much reflection to why this might be and come to the conclusion that as a food-lover, I really have nothing to worry about. 
  1. Protection
    A good food lover knows where their knives are kept, and you bet they are nice and sharp! Dismembering something bone in with a sharp object? Everything we need to know can surely be found in Mastering the Art of French Cooking (2 Volume Set). Julia Child to the rescue... (again!).
  2. Food Source
    As with any apocalypse situation, what you will be concerned with us first and foremost a source of food. Thankfully, food lovers pretty much have this mapped out in their heads already. Where is that lovely community garden hidden away in the side street? Ask the foodie. What little hole in the wall shop is probably teeming with some high-protein, high-fat, not to mention long-shelf life, smoked meat products? Ask the foodie. Which mushrooms are safe to eat and which will cause agonizing stomach pain and possible death? Ask the foodie. 
  3. Food Preparation
    This isn't as crucial until we enter a period of longer crisis, but as we all know the majority of the population is pretty much going to be screwed once the cases of pre-packaged and canned foods are decimated. The skill of preparing food from basics will not only be valuable for keeping yourself alive, but you can bet if you show up at the local safe spot with a piping hot lasagne or bottle of beer that you made from scratch there will be some good trades to be had! 
  4. An Extra Layer of Insurance
    If the food does run out food lovers can take solace in knowing that that extra little bit of fat they have acquired over years of dining well has provided them with a little extension on how long we can survive before that emergency supply/rescue arrives. 
  5. Moving Around the City
    Initially this stumped me. The overlap on the venn diagram between foodies and athletes is pretty small, so outrunning the Zombies isn't going to be an effective strategy. However, as we have learned from numerous movies, one trick that often works in the case of emergency is to shuffle along while moaning. Then it occurred to me: how many times have I left a restaurant stuffed to the gills, barely able to move with the only sound escaping my lips a moan of pure satisfaction combined with a strong desire to lie down with a heating pad? Bingo. Tweak this a little more towards lust for brains and we will blend right in...